Dvar Torah on Parshat Behaalotecha

This week's parsha, B'ha'alotchah, gives us one of the more dramatic examples of the Israelites' nudgy nature in the desert; the constant complaints about almost everything that comes their way, and their desire to return to Egypt. This round of whining is about the lack of meat in the desert. The Jews pine for the great food they ate in Egypt, "the fish...the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions and the garlic." They complain  that "now our souls are dried out, there is nothing [to eat], except for this manna...". Although the Torah explains that the manna is in fact great stuff, members of the nation miss the Egyptian menu, and are quite vocal about their displeasure. 

When God and Moshe hear the people "weeping" over their desire for Egyptian cuisine, they get really upset: "And the anger of the Lord burned greatly, and Moshe was also displeased."

At this stage Moshe, in a response that is rare for him, seems to lose it: "And Moshe said to the Lord, Why have you done this evil to your servant? And why have I not found favor in your eyes, that you have placed the burden of this entire nation on me? Have I conceived this entire nation, did I give birth to them, that you should say to me 'carry them in your bosom, as a nursing father carries the suckling child', to the land that you have sworn to their fathers?"     

This is a facinating image for Moshe to use. With it, he seems to be distancing himself from the people, by making a distinction between his own biological children, for whom, it would seem, it would be reasonable to demand of him more forebearance and patience than he is willing to summon up for the nation. If they were my children, he seems to be angrily saying, I might be willing and able to bear the complaints and lack of faith shown here, but for these people? Nothing doing!

Now, this would appear to be an abdication of responsibility. We all understand that one is usually willing to do more for one's own children than for others; it's only natural that that should be the case. But isn't that what leadership is all about: a sacrificing of the personal for the communal? Famously, great leaders - in fact, even regular, run of the mill leaders -  are often forced by the demands of their positions to neglect their own families, put the needs of the community or nation first, and, yes, give the people  the kind of care, energy and attention usually reserved for one's family. That's what leadership is about, and it would seem that that's what Moshe, in his displeasure at the Israelites' behavior, is stepping away from.

The Sforno (Italy, 1475-1550) has a different take on Moshe's words. He explains that Moshe, by reminding God that these people are not his children, is not shirking his responsibilities. He is simply explaining what the problem is: "Behold, a father can direct his children even if they have differing opinions, because they all see him as someome who loves them, someone who will try with all his might to do good for them. However, these [Israelites, not being my biological children] do not trust me at all, are suspicious, and are trying to see what I will do to them." According to this pshat (understanding), Moshe is explaining that the natural love which exists between parents and children helps parents "direct" them, even in the presence of conflict and disagreement. Lacking that tie, and the goodwill and understanding that comes with it, Moshe is saying, I am unable to handle them, I lack the neccessary condition - basic trust - to lead.

The Sforno, with this reading, has defended Moshe from the charge of selfishly and angrily abandoning his people. He has also given us a facinating insight into parenting. There are often, between parents and children, "differing opinions", a polite way of saying that parents and their kids can very seriously disagree about very important things. However, as long as children can assume that their parents love them, there is still hope for some kind of reconciliation, for finding common ground. As the Sforno says, parents, because their children know they love them, and want what is best for them, can still, in the face of disagreement, hope to "direct them" (a bit of pre-modern optimism, perhaps, on the part of the Sforno). 

Now, this is true as long as the parents still exhibit the natural love and concern for their children's welfare which the Sforno describes. If the disagreement leads to an apparent cessation of this love and goodwill, parents will find themselves in the position Moshe is in vis a vis the Israelites: basic trust will be gone, and not only will parents be unable to "direct" their children, they probably won't even be able to work out some sort of common ground with them. The parenting advice we get from the Sforno is clear: in the face of a conflict between parents and children, the basic, natural  assumption of love and good will must not be abrogated if any rapproachement is to be possible. Not always easy for parents to do, but, I think, very good advice.  

Parents: remember, it's all about showing the love, and children: remember your parents love you. 

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Shimon Felix