Dvar Torah on Parshat Toledot

Parshat Toldot begins with Yitzchak and Rivkah married, and having trouble having children: ויעתר יצחק לה' לנכח אשתו כי עקרה היא - "And Yitzchak beseeched God concerning his wife, for she was barren". God responds to his prayers, and soon Yaakov and Esav are born, and the couple's troubles really begin.

When focusing on their fertility issues, the reader can not help but notice that Rivkah is presented here as the passive problem - "for she was barren"  - to which the solution is Yitzchak and Yitzchak alone. He and not Rivkah prays for a child, and it his prayers which are answered. Rivkah, in contrast, is presented as being silent. But the reader wonders: Where is Rivkah in all this? Surely she prayed as well? Are her pain, and her prayers, not worth mentioning? Were they not heard? And, furthermore, how did Yitzchak know he had to pray for her? Perhaps he had the problem, not her, and he should have prayed for himself to be cured of his sterility, rather than assuming that the fault lie with Rivkah.

The Rabbis of the Talmud and Midrash take a look at this unpromising marital landscape, in which the wife, Rivkah, seems to be all problem and the husband, Yitzchak, all solution, and go a long way towards leveling the family playing field. First, the Midrash tells us that the strange phrase לנכח אשתו - which, in context, should mean "concerning" or "for" his wife, actually can be read as meaning "standing in front of" or "standing opposite" his wife, and what it tells us is that he stood in one corner praying, and she stood in the corner opposite, praying as well. The Midrash presents them here as equals, sharing a balanced and common act of beseeching God for a child, rather than an active, vocal Yitzchak praying for a passive, silent Rivkah. The Talmud, in Tractate Yevamot, goes even further, and informs us, remarkably, that they not only stood facing each other, as equals, but they actually were equals in terms of their medical situations as well: Yitzchak was as sterile as Rivkah was, and he prayed for himself along with her! Talk about gender equality! 

The Rabbis seem to want us to understand that this couple were equal partners. Yitzchak was not in charge of Rivkah's fertility, and he did not have the only channel through which to talk to God about their childlessness - they were in it together, totally, in terms of both the problem and the solution. The fact that the Torah tells us that it was Yitzchak's prayers that were answered is not a function of his or her role or status,  but rather, the Rabbis tell us, of the specifics of their upbringings: Yitzchak, as the son of Avraham, a righteous person, had  a stronger relationship with God, and a better grasp of prayer, than Rivkah, the daughter of the idol-worshipping Betuel, did. That, and not his gender, is what made his prayers the ones which God particualrly responded to.  

The Radak (Rabbi David Kimchi, Provence, 1160-1235) adds a beautiful touch to our understanding of this couple of equals. He says that לנכח אשתו  means that Yitzchak prayed for his wife, rather than just for a child. His real focus was not so much the birth of an heir, which he did of course want, but, more importantly, he prayed that Rivkah would give birth so that he could stay married to her- had she remained childless he would have been forced to marry another woman in order to try, with her, to have children. The Radak describes him standing facing her, so that he could orient his heart towards her, his beloved, in the hopes that his prayers would be answered, she would conceive and give birth,  and she could then remain his only wife.

May we all merit a marriage of equals, in which we are truly  נכח  - face to face, as equal partners, with our husbands and wives.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Shimon Felix